Monday, February 23, 2009

"Must-have swimsuit"

Top photo: The backyard at present.

Bottom photo: Does this look like a lake ready for a "must-have swimsuit?!"

"Just Chillin' -- an abysmal figure of speech"

When I opened my e-mail this morning there was an (unsolicited) ad telling me that the I needed a "Must-have swimsuit that follows your curves!"
I narrowed my eyes at the words.
Simultaneously, while reading the e-mail, I observed within my peripheral vision another significant snowfall adding inches more snow to our existing brutal mounds of snow.
What a cruel joke that swimsuit ad!
It was not just a nasty joke but a "must-have swimsuit that follows my curves" is a foreign thought for an over-weight middle-aged woman. What were those advertisers thinking?
Soon annoyance at the ad was replaced with anger at the weather.
If only a peoples' rally could change the weather. Then perhaps "storm the barricades" could be used as a phrase for warring with the weather. I certainly now believe "strong-arm force" has everything to do with shovelling white stuff from the driveway.
Still, I am a firm believer in the value of denial.
So, I opened the advertiser's page to see the "must-have swimsuit that follows my curves."
I didn't burst into tears (but there was a mental plea for help).
Naturally, I quickly moved on to other e-mails, you know the ones, those offering me penis enlargement, hot chicks with horses and get out of debt ads.
Those made the swimsuit ad appear kindly and gracious by comparison.
Maybe tomorrow the sun will shine and I will go outdoors and not even look at the emails.
There, in the fresh air I can work on a "must-have" body for the above-noted swimsuit.

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